Love Lines

In Honey for a Child's Heart, author Hunt talks about a bond that is developed in families that read together.  She says, "Reading aloud as a family has bound us together, as sharing an adventure always does.  We know the same people.  We have gone through emotional crises together as we felt anger, sadness, fear, gladness, and tenderness in the world of the book we were reading.  Something happens to us that is better experienced than described -- a kind of enlarging of heart -- when we encounter passages full of grand language and noble thoughts" (pg. 75). 

She goes on to explain how when families read together they begin to form their own special language to communicate with each other.  "Much of our secret family idioms come from the books we have read together.  I say 'secret' because a specialness surrounds it.  You need to have shared the book to know what the phrase means, and when we use it, it's communication of the heart."

I've been thinking about these two ideas -- of shared adventure and "secret" languages -- ever since I read those paragraphs several weeks ago.  Although my children are still very young, I feel I have already seen the proof that what Hunt speaks of is true; not only with my children, but as I look back over my own childhood.

While my siblings and I all have a love for reading individually, we rarely read together, especially as we got older.  We also had different tastes in literature, so very few of the stories that we read on our own time were shared amongst all of us.  However, we did watch a ton of Disney movies together!  To this day, because we shared those "adventures" found in the plots of the movies, we are constantly spouting out obscure Disney quotes to express our thoughts or feelings -- or just make a joke -- in different situations.  "Quick, what's that from?" is an oft heard question when we all get together.  We have, in essence, developed our own secret language from the random lines of movies that we watched together, and we have a blast with it!  Who wouldn't enjoy having a secret code?

I do not regret one minute of those shared experiences with my siblings and treasure the summer days we spent outside re-enacting Disney's Aladdin with all of my cousins.  Yet as I look forward and seek to foster a lasting bond between my own children, I realize that movies just won't do it for our family.  Already my children bore with television and would rather spend their time reading books.  They get this from their Mommy, and it pleases me to no end!  Even my husband -- a self-proclaimed TV addict -- has switched off the television to join the children and me as we spend our days digging deep into the riches on the pages before us.  We are sharing the adventures as a family, and growing closer because of them!

Even with a home of only infants, toddlers, and preschoolers about, we are already seeing those "secret idioms" that Hunt spoke of take life in the language of our family.  Lines to express love are the most commonly repeated, as little ones grasp to put words to the all-consuming love they have for the family that is their whole world right now. 

"I love you to the moon and back," is one my daughter loves to say, a variation on the closing line from Sam McBratney's Guess How Much I Love You. 

Another Sam McBratney book, You're All My Favorites, has helped the children express their love for each other and their parents with the word "best".  For example, I am Corbin's "best Mommy ever!", and Daniel is Abby's "best Daniel". 

Both my daughter and older son repeat "I love you forever and ever and always," from You Are Special, Little One, by Nancy Tafuri.  I believe this book is also the reason Corbin has started using "forever and ever" as his dramatic expression of choice (for example, "I be sad forever and ever!" to convey his disappointment, or "I protect you forever and ever" to explain how he wants to defend his siblings, etc.).

When someone does something amazing or silly or funny, someone might say "they should put you in the zoo because of the things that you can do!", from Robert Lopshire's Put Me in the Zoo.  

After reading Madeline (approximately eighty-five billion times), Corbin started dramatically waving his hand and saying "pooh, pooh!", meaning "that doesn't scare me" or "that is no big deal!".  And Abby, the one who couldn't get enough of Madeline, would quote the entire first half of the book from memory at random times throughout the day.

I could go on and on, listing the sayings that are developing in our family because of the books that we read together!  There is something comforting knowing that we can express our emotions or thoughts in these ways, and those we love will just "get it".  Isn't that what we all want, little or big?  To feel like someone just gets us and to feel accepted for who we are and what we think and feel?  It's not just a fun game to have this language develop between the members of our family, but it seems to be functioning as a magnet to pull us in closer; to bind our hearts and minds to one another, as little ones learn to put new words to their growing awareness of their individual thoughts and emotions, and big ones learn to open the doors of the world in a safe way. We are speaking lines of love that only we can fully understand, and we are building bonds that will -- I pray -- stand the tests of time and trials!

"The pleasure of all reading is doubled when one lives with another who shares the same books.”

Katherine Mansfield (1888 - 1923)